Weird

Some days ago.. suddenly past thought came back to my mind..

Those thoughts surfaced just as I was lying in bed at night..Things that were unhappy... and way beyond my control.. I just hate the fact that I could do nothing about it at that time... and this time definitely i'm not gonna let it pass again..



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Some days ago.. I received a friendster request from a friend, when I saw the surname of that friend request.. I had no idea why that person suddenly popped in my mind, and I was hoping for that moment...would that person be him?


When I clicked on that link and saw its from another friend, suddenly I felt like...'hmm...ok, its not him, but why would it be him in the first place? what am i thinking...sheesh..'


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The first time I really liked a guy was in primary 6. We're only in the same class for that year. But for the 3 years during primary 4-6..We're in the sch's hockey team, training was held twice weekly, and during the competition seasons, training could chalk up to 3/4 times per week.But even with the constant meetings, we remained as acquaintances.

I don have any recollection of knowing C till we're in the same class in primary 6. And for some reason.. we can't stand each other and all the name calling and teasing would happen between us.

But during those time, these type of things happen very often in class..so probably it doesnt mean anything.

Can't remember when was the exact time the feelings grew, probably it was when we changed seats for the 2nd half of the year and we're just sitting beside next to each other by the aisle. (That is, the classroom's aisle was just between us at close proximity.) And we could talk alot more often than in the past, probably that gave us a chance to know more about each other.

During lessons, he's scribble something on his textbook and pass it to me often. Things that would find out more about me.


And being a mean person at that time, I would think that he's playing a joke on me, and I'd pass the textbook infront to 2 of my best friends to let them have a look too.

And never once did I answer any of his questions that thinking back now..he seems so genuinely wanted to know. All because I felt that he might wanna play a prank on me or sometihng.


Day after day, he'd occasionally give me things, like a pencil, sweet..or I remembered ..a red pen.

But I just didn't accept any of the things. Don ask me why..I still don't know.

He even joined the same 2nd ECA as me, with his clique of friends. Something that guys would normally not join.

I would say that I felt that our feelings were mutual after some time...but I JUST DIDN"T SHOW IT


I acted like I don't give a hoot. and treated him aloof.


But despite that, he still showed me concern and did lotsa genuine stuffs that did made me feel like he's really trying to prove that he was true.


One day..during the Preliminary aural exam...he told me something..that probably till today I can still remember how he delivered that sentence.


As our surnames belong to the last few alphabets..(last time in school the han yu pin yin name was used instead..Xu Huan Shi)

We're the last 2 left in the classroom, awaiting for our turn.

He turned to me and said that he had something to tell me.

Sensing that he was going to say the words that I dread, I forbidded him to say it, while hoping in my heart that the invigilator call my name now.

He still said the words anyhow. “我喜欢你..."

It seemed like a huge relieve for him having said that to me, and somehow the ball was in my court now.

I have to decide what to do with the ball right?

Unfortunately I didn't.

Until today, I still have no idea why I didn't do anything about it...

He tried his best to get an answer from me...

I already knew the answer in my heart..but I just didn't tell him.

Even after countless times of asking me whats my reply to the question...I did not reply him..

From then..he treated me coldly, or with hatred. Not wanting to speak to me at all.

Yea. I was really sad that time, probably regretting why on earth did I not say anything.

From 2 friends who could talk to each other bout anything...to not speaking to each other at all.

Yea..I don blame him for treating me that way, cos I was the mean person to him in the first place. And for not saying whatever was the truth inside me.

He opened his heart and yet I chose to close mine...

To him..he'd think that I don give a hoot about him probably.....

Should he have known, it wouldn't turn out that way?

I did wonder what would have happened..

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5 years later, I got to know a friend who happens to know C too as they were from the same secondary school.

I found out from her that he has a gf since secondary school.And they've been together for 3 years and are still getting along very well.

When I heard what told me...I couldn't help but wonder, would that person have been me?

Its not a sour grapes situation. Its just that I did regret my actions for that past 5 years. And when I heard that..I thought to myself that i shan't ponder over it anymore.

Took me quite a long time.

And more importantly, I wouldn't wanna regret my actions the next time. I'd rather have tried and failed than to never have tried before.

Hmm..bottomline is I told myself I don wanna regret my actions again.

I dont have friends with that surname..thus when I saw that surname... suddenly it reminded me of C.

Well..probably its me, I don't really express myself easily and concisely..
I don't know why I just freaked out that time..and tried my best to avoid him like plague afte that.

Today piggy asked me how come i don have much expression when I say i like the present?

I told her that I really liked the necklace and presents..haha, and probably my expression wasn't convincing. But one thing for sure is, in my heart, i do appreciate it alot..i even wore the necklace a few times liao.haha.

Its not easy to have good friends that you can tok to at ease and tok cock/serious stuffs... so yea, when I have such peeps, I count my blessings.

Even after knowing each other for donkey years, the bond is still there, and that's what's priceless. Cos you don find it with any other group of friends.



Sleeping time~!1 *yawn*